Growing up is hard to do.

But, I"m sure you all know that.

I guess my friends accident was a lot worse than I knew.
As far as I know she's still in the ICU
Both of us not being people that pray
please just think happy thoughts for her.
Hopefully she will be moved out of ICU soon and I can go visit her.

I"m struggling with this new girl at work, it's become a big problem and I think
most people are frustrated with her. I can honestly say I've never met anyone like her.
I guess you have to just find the good in every person and focus on that to get you through.

Every year in october my dads side of the family rents a beach house and we all stay in it for about 4 days this has happened every year i can remember since i was like 2. It's always Me, my mom my dad my sister my uncle and my aunt her husband and when matthew was born, matthew. Well this will be the first beach trip that we go on since matthews passed away and my dad is going to be gone rafting the grand canyon and my mother can't get time off work and my sister will be away at college in Tacoma. So, I still really want to go but it's going to be awkward and it has been bringing up really painful memories to plan it. The rest of my family still really wants to go even my aunt I hope it's not just going to be a cry fest.. it will be really different not having Matthew there.

Tonight I am attending a support group meeting with my mom for the first time for people with loved ones who have Alzheimer's. My mom asking me to go with her was her way of letting me know that my grandma has officially been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This was a huge thing to dump on me. So we'll see how the meeting goes tonight. I knew she was struggling with memory stuff but I guess now it's like set in stone? It makes it official which is really scary and sad.

My sister will be leaving for college soon and since she's going so far away my parents have been spending every waking moment with her which i totally understand but I'm still right here.. i guess i just feel neglected which is really pathetic since I'm like 20 years old. But it's not that she's just leaving for college they are spending a ton of money on her for everything. She just went to Greece and came back so that was a huge deal and my mom spent a ton of time with her after her small trip and she just graduated high school and had a birthday all in these last two months. I guess my mom is my closest friend that I have around here since everyone i was close to has moved away and it sucks because i haven't been able to find people that are just like the people that moved away. I don't think anyone else is like them and I'm flirting with the idea of moving to Eugene which i would really like to do. I guess part of it I don't want to replace them.

I don't know if I want to finish school right now. I feel like I have a lot of things on my plate and I can hardly afford it let alone i bet cost will only go up, i don't know what I want to do for sure and the economy is horrible and I only make a tiny bit above minimum wage if I don't make commission.

I do however feel stable in one area, my job. It's going better right now that I could have imagined. When I first started in TBD and Individualist I was really uncomfortable and very uncomfortable with my manager. Now I feel like I can actually talk to her and work with her. I really like my department I'm understanding the fashions in TBD a lot more than when I first started, it's a lot to get used to! I have a love for very classical clothes and TBD is alll about mixing prints and not being matching at all.

My cousin moved this week from really close to me to california too. It sucks but thank god for the internet and now I have someone to visit in san fransisco.

I know things will get better but for right now I just need to find my balance and find what makes me happy.

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