Earth Day

Today is earth day and what do I find when I get up??! A giant catalog that nordstrom has so kindly printed and sent to eery employee that we get about ever other month that's full of fashion trends (as if we don't see them in the store) and about outstanding employees and stores and our benefits.... yes every other month and it happened to come on earth day.

Update

Things have been really busy around here between moving and school and work, not to mention that work has been painfully awful recently. All the employees have been brainwashed to not use the words "it's slow" but we are no supposed to use the phrase "we have less than desirable traffic!" They expect everyone to still be making their sales goals etc but they can't provide us with traffic. With the state of the economy people are afraid to shop. I used to be able to sell around 170 dollars and hour on average but now I am around 60 dollars an hour on average. It really hurts financially to me too. I'm thinking I may need to be looking at new jobs but i don't want to abandoned this job! But financially it's not the best decision. I found out this summer I am going to Huston. That should be fun, not that I ever really wanted to go to Huston but at least it's something to go do. We are going in August. I'll either come back tan or VERY VERY red considering I'm so fair; I don't' think I've had a tan since I was about 6! Tanning beds scare me too, plus I always feel like the girls and occasional men that work at the tanning places are really really RUDE it's like walking on to the set of The Hills too! Lots of drama and just about ever inch of them is fake. Yesterday I went to Alf's with a co-worker it's this hole in the wall 50's diner in the middle of nowhere McMiniville. It was a lot of fun. At the restaurant they have a separate area where it's a huge playroom and the owner brings her pet monkey there for the day, his name is Elvis. It's just a very comfortable place because most people that eat there have been going there since they were little. Whenever you try to recruit new people to go they freak out when you tell them there is a monkey there and think it's so unsanitary etc. ha! Yumm and they make their own ice cream there!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer

Name a color you find soothing.
Anything colored any shade of green!

Soup

Using 20 or less words, describe your first driving experience.
Very young, out in the country sitting on parents laps!
Salad

What material is your favorite item of clothing made out of?
Cotton and Spandex

Main Course

Who is a great singer or musician who, if they were to come to your town for a concert, you would spend the night outside waiting for tickets to see?
Kings of Convenience.. they never ever come here.

Dessert

What is the most frequent letter of the alphabet in your whole name (first, middle, maiden, last, etc.)?
That would be.. The letter R there are 4 in my whole name

Money for blogging!

Doesn’t everyone want to earn money while utilizing their passion for blogging? Now you can with PayPerPost! My friend Kristin told me about this great site where you can get paid to blog ! At first I thought it was too good to be true but then I went ahead and signed up for myself and I’m already earning money in only a couple days. You just submit your blog and when it’s approved you add a tiny one line code to your blog then it’s all up to you! You choose the opportunities that you want to do! Then you make your post, all while learning about awesome new products and services! You could easily make 20 dollars for your very first post! Kristin and I have since bonded over our passion for blogging and using PayPerPost! They have so many opportunities for you it really keeps in interesting every time! I can’t wait to make my fist 100 to go towards my new bed! Or maybe I should splurge on something! I’ve had my eye on a Wii! I’m so glad I decided to try PayPerPost for myself. I can’t believe how many opportunities I’ve already missed out on. If you love blogging too and want some extra income for the summer I really recommend PayPerPost. You’ll never find an easier way. You can even donate the money you earn to charities! What's not to love about that?

Meet My New Roommate!

This is Jessica and I! My new roommate. We have been friends for 20 years. Our parents met in Lamaze class, so we were born 2 weeks apart and have been friends since. Our apartment is in downtown salem, it's so cute and we can paint! It's in a little 4 plex so it's quite and i have a huge window.. which to me is really exciting coming from living in a basement with a window the size of a cereal box with views of dirt and peoples feet! Oh yeah, And it's 2 bed room 2 bathroom! TIs' funny that we've been friends for so long because we are complete opposites! Our friends would most likely not get a long and we have complete different interests, tastes in movies, and music but somehow it works for us.

Can't sleep

I've watched fatal attraction, Gotten into bed, read a little, drank some water and I still can't sleep. I'm not feeling to well either; I think I'm getting a cold. I"m freezing cold as well and my computer is right next to the heater so I decided to get on since I had to get up to defrost my body anyway. I'm just browsing away through stuff that I can use for work and I'm going to post my 5 favorite trends for spring and summer. But please don't be super trendy.. make them your own.

1. Art Class wear
2. High Waisted trousers
3. Double wrap belt
4. The Perfect Summer Dress
5. White

Celebrity Stylist

Ah! What a fantastic day at work. I know this probably sounds stupid but it was the most exciting part of my day so I have to revel in it! Today at work (nordstrom's) I got to help out a celebrity.. okay not really a celebrity anymore but back in the day. A teen actress from a very well known movie. I guess she lives here now. She was so friendly and sincere! So fun to work with! I feel a tiny b it cool today at least! So, it was the teenage girl in the first Jurassic Park movie. Her name is Ariana Richards. I just looked up her info on IMDB.com too and I guess she was in the movie Angus. If you haven't seen that movie you have to! It's fantastic. It can be hard to find though! For some reason I have the soundtrack.

Young Ariana Richards and Wilmer Valderrama

Manic Monday

Is there anything for which you would willingly give your life?
- I'd give my life to defend the rights for other generations that I think are important.
Not being a religious person I would still give my life to defend the right for others to have religious freedom, freedom of speech etc.. and my future family.

How would you communicate with someone if you didn't share a common language?
-It would be like a pictionary free for all!

Where is your ideal place/location to have a wedding?
-On our family farm :)

Looking forward to summer

My favorite place on this earth that I get to visit regularly is a tiny unknown yet not abandoned cemetery out in the country somewhere between Sheridan and McMinnville. It lies just off Christensen road in the middle of the country. From the road you wouldn’t even know it existed, there are no signs no way to peek through the trees to see what lies beyond, only a dirt road. Then, even more secretly beyond that dirt road is another smaller dirt road that is about the length of the main hallway in your house. Up an anthill sized hill you pull in and it’s a tiny cemetery. Half the size of a football field. This is Deer Creek cemetery. Although you wouldn’t know it by that name unless you grew up around it. I usually go there in the summer because we own a farm right across the street where you can swim in the creek. When you enter the cemetery it doesn’t feel dark or creepy or like a sad place. It feels hopeful. The air always smells sweet with all the hay that has been harvested around. Around the perimeter of the cemetery are big trees that kind of encase it in a circle. It looks well maintained although I’ve never seen anyone else up there. The sun always lightens it up in the middle of the trees and kind of makes it glow. It’s kind of like a mini plateau surrounded by an array of orchard type trees. You won’t find abandoned trinkets mini statues fake flowers and ribbons adorning these graves, they are much too old. You can expect to find hundreds of tree frogs that lie on top of the cement grave coverings sunning themselves and as soon as you walk by they jump into the cracks of the sunken cement surfaces. There aren’t very many graves here for the space that’s provided. They are very laid out and there are only about 5 different last names to the whole space. Most are old grave markers and are sectioned off by cement blocks on top next to the head stones. Some of the markers are unreadable and broken. I surprisingly think this is a beautiful place for a picnic. It’s not that I make a habit of hanging around in cemeteries it just happens to be a very beautiful place. There is one marker on the lower right hand side of the cemetery that states something like “so and so 1803-1887 and was ready” Then another person has engraved their name into the headstone who shares the same last name as the owner of the headstone. The grass isn’t very green it’s quite short and prickly but it’s better than dirt. On all sides of you is a view of plain fields. There is an abandoned patio table and chair up near where there is space for one car to park.

I just hope he is actually on drugs

Anyone who actually KNOWS what this guy is talking about wins a candy bar.
I swear he's related to president Bush jr.

Wordless Wednesday

New tune monday

Great video from The avalanches the entire song is comprised of sound clips put together.

Watch Oprah Pee

Last night around 1 Am my friend Jeff and I got the fabulous Idea to bake cookies and drive to Eugene??! I have no idea where the two came from. We went to Eugene listening to Shania Twain the entire way till we got to our friends house. After a couple glasses of wine we decided to watch this movie from 1998 called Beloved. Now, not only does Oprah Winfrey star in the film.. she also produced it. The movie has absolutely NO plot line and pretty much doesn't make sense and is about 3 hours long. It's good for a laugh though deffinatley. It's supposed to be about slavery and be empowering.. but, the movie is about Oprahs daughter who she killed and her daughters ghost is haunting the house till she comes from hell to seek her mother to pretty much live as a "nice" demon with her. OH, did I mention this daughter is mentally retarded too? Pretty much the daughters star line was "Touch me on the inside place and call my nammeeeee" Along with that are random shots of oprah peeing, giving birth, vomiting and killing children.
Great pick for family time :)
and the shot of oprah peeing is pretty much absolutely random she just gets this look on her face and runs over to the field and they film her peeing... like she had to take a bathroom break but they kept rolling the film and forgot to edit it out.

It's too bad it was supposed to be so serious because I pretty much couldn't stop laughing.


It's too bad there aren't any trailers or anything online I could find really...

Wordless wendnesday!

An ode to the snail.

My closet

Needs to be tackled.. Obviously. I'm afraid I might find a village of sub human species underneath all of last years clothes.

Is this you??

I found this blog that people post photos from cameras or memory sticks they've found in hopes of finding the owner. It seems to work and helped a lot of people claim their missing memories. So cool, even if you haven't lost anything it's just interesting to look at other peoples pictures. ha.
FOUND CAMERAS AND ORPHAN PICTURES
Such a neat idea. You can even browse through the scroll bar on the right hand side of the blog to view any found cameras from your area or areas you have visited.

I am Standoffish apparently

My manager is completely rude. Period. H.R. is useless. Today My boss was having little "performance chats" with us about selling and everything. She told me that She thinks I don't really try very hard and that she feels i just "get lucky" and people buy stuff. That really hurt my feelings. I do try the best that I can at my job and I know that there's little things I could do to be better but, that is just beyond hurtful....I"m starting to feel like a robot. Then later she told me that I am "stand-offish" was her word... apparently we are 16 and in high school again. Ridiculous. That just is stupid but it really hurt my feelings. I'm kind of stuck and don't know what to do. If I could tell her anything I would say: "I'm sorry I can't be the person that you want me to be, I am happy with who I am and that's all that I can be.. and that's who you hired." But that's the nice version. Sometimes I think she just gives me crappy shifts and glares at me and nit picks EVERYTHING just so I'll leave because she doesn't like me. When i got home tonight I took my dog on a really long walk. It was nice I think i'll start that more often than only walking to work.

New tune monday

Manu Chao (love him!) - Rainin' in paradize

great song. Sad video.

or... alternate version

7 Facts

The 7 Facts About Myself
I have been tagged by Kristin

The Rules
Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

The 7 Facts About Myself
1. I own a telescope
2. I"m frugal
3. I have nothing in common with my family
4. I was a tom boy growing up
5. I may look out of shape but I love to do outdoors stuff and wish more people wanted to with me
6. I make lists all the time.
7. I like to garden
I have tagged:
Teacher X
Jessica
Jason

20 best 90's songs you forgot.

Every year around this time I start missing the 90s and go on a 90's music kick. In honor of all my 90's downloading here is a list I've made of the best 90's songs you've most likely forgotten about(some from early 200). Because nothing is better than remembering a song you haven't heard in forever. (These are not arranged in any particular order. Click on the link for the video for extra nostalgia!

1. 3LW- No more (how did they not become popular but cheetah girls took off?
2. Beck- Where it's at
3. Anything by mariah Carey
4. Blur-Song 2
5. Bryan McKnight- back at one
6. Dream- He loves u not
7. Evan And Jaron- Crazy for this girl
8. FIlter- Take a Picture
9. Harvey Danger- Flag pole sitta
10. Jennifer Paige- Crush
11. Kandi- Don't think I'm not
12. Public Enemy- He got game
13. Robyn- Show me love
14. Soul Decision- Faded
15. Offspring- Pretty fly for a white guy
16. New Radicals- You get what you give
17. City High- What would you do
18. Dido- Thank you
19. Jewel- You were meant for me
20. Sonique- It feels so good


What songs would you guys add?

Happy Birthday?

So, today is my birthday. I am 20 years old today. I wish there was more to it than that.
Is there some kind of petition I can sign to nominate it for least exciting birthday of your youth?

New tune monday

Quite possibly the sweetest video ever aww.

Early Birthday

My friends from Eugene both had the night off as well as I and my friend that lives in keizer so my friends drove up here to Salem and we went to Keizer bought beer and chips and dip and rolls of dimes and played a lot of poker. :) It was so much fun to be able to see them all again. I'm really glad for spring break it made me realize how much I love hanging out with them because everyone moved when i moved to new jersey and when I got back it just wasn't the same. Hopefully it'll be better soon but I think 2 of them are moving away to Pennsylvania maybe :( Which would break my heart. NO ONE can make me laugh like the 3 of them . Oh yeah, and I lost 10 dollars in dimes :( haha

So excited!

So we just got our new free stuff handed out at work. I usually get all this stuff and it's like in a size small but today i got my things are I got a free Michael Stars shirt that's like 65 bucks and it fits and it's super cute!! I am in love it's so comfortable. I thought it was going to be way too small because it's one size fits (almost) like all of their other stuff. They have super cute clothes though. We just started carrying his stuff in TBD outside of Savvy (for those of you who shop at Nordstrom too much) I love love love it. I couldn't find a picture of it online but it's black square neck with elbow sleeves. Check out his other stuff, i see his ads in vogue all the time. Click on the picture to go to the site.

Meet Harold

This is Harold my rabbit. He is 1 and a half years old. Harold absolutely LOVES playing with plastic bags. He steals them from us when we unload the groceries. Sometimes he runs around the entire house doing this. <3

Snow white an evil dictator?

The other day I decided to watch that new movie Enchanted (besides being sorely disappointed) I noticed something, She was making the animals clean up HER mess in the cottage? Excuse me! Where do "Giselle" and Snow White get off forcing animals into labor for her? Maybe she deserved the poison apple.


" We adore each filthy chore
That we determine
So friends even though you’re vermin
We’re a happy working song"

Finals are over

Tomorrow finals are over. I will be so relieved. Nothing to worry about, stress free time. Until next term that is. I have gone to battle and come out alive. FREE.

Toe Etiquette

So the other day at work during our department meeting we had to have a discussion about foot Etiquette. It is pretty sad that this is a necessary discussion? It also validates my opinion that this is the most brain dead job in the world. Here is the little list that was passed out to us. So raise your toes and pledge too... please.

• My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
• I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
• I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
• I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
• I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

• I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
• I promise to replace the tip of my heel once I wear it down to the nail so I won't click clack everywhere.

New Tune Monday

I was never a fan of the killers until I heard Read my mind from their album sams town.
This is their newest video. It's pretty good. I enjoy it.
If it doesn't make sense try thinking about the numbers in the right order

Bad Boyfriend

what do you do when you can't stand the guy that your best friend is dating?
When he talks about you behind your back.. keeping in mind I don't even know this guy.
He stole money out of his girlfriends bank account..
She's not the Girl i remember and became friends with :(
I miss her.
The girl i used to know wouldn't
steal medications from her disabled patients for her own use
give up her pet snake because she spent all of her money on alcohol instead
be with a man who for once made her doubt herself.
where did you go?
Please come back soon.

Any ideas people?

Man's a genius

I AGREE!

Re: Obama

In response to Kristin's blog post "Obama"

So I've been thinking about these things a lot too. I don't really feel like I am for either one of the democratic candidates this time around. I feel like Hilary maybe has a hidden agenda due to her past of dealing with the health care industry and drug companies and how in the past they've pretty much bought her over and I feel that Obama may be more talk than action and that he's not really prepared to follow through? I think we are at a point right now in history where we can either continue the path we are on which is not a good one or there's going to be a revolution one way or another. Can't you feel it? I feel like their is more youth now standing up saying what the want and they feel about politics because really, in the past the majority of voters is elderly... and they are deciding based upon their experiences and their values whats right for future generations. Shouldn't we make a decision what's right for us now? Anyways, I haven't really decided who I'd like to see in office but hopefully something better is coming. If I had to chose a candidate today it would be Ron Paul.. I guess it's the only option I see for change.
On another note...
The other day i was reading something and it said that Within the next few years that China would become the number one English speaking country in the world... food for thought.


Proud to be a Democrat

What the hell happened to her.

So it's been awhile since I've felt like myself. It's really kind of depressing. I'm sure its taking a toll on me. I don't do the things I enjoy anymore and my looks have really taken a toll hahaha. I feel like one of those women who this is the point in my life where if i don't change from things the way they are now then in 10 years people will just stop and think "what the hell happened to her" Yeah.

Plastic

So I've been thinking about this recently.. how much we ridiculously over use plastic! It's made for everything and it just sits in landfills unless it's the recyclable thing but you think someone seriously would have come up with a biodegradable alternative to it. So I think I'm going to take off on this trend of carrying around my own re-usable shopping bag... one that's easy to slip in my purse. How many things on your desk are made out of plastic at this moment?? Repost with your answer. For me.. about 20 something.
I've decided to post the 3 cutest re-usable eco-friendly shopping bag sites!! Click the pictures for the website.

























These are all so cute! The first site has lots of great bags for compact storage or heavy duty shopping. The second (feed) bag is a little bit spendy but when you purchase the bag you'll be doing double duty good, every purchase of this re-usable goes to feeding a child for one school year. The last site has fantastic modern and stylish choices in all sorts of colors and patters, they even have a set of organic bags and a whole section just for kids! Love it!

New Tune Monday

Josh ritter- Girl in the war

Broccoli trees

Dexter: what are you eating for lunch?
Me: Broccoli
Dexter: Are you pretending that you are a giant eating trees?




I think I found someone equally randomly amusing as me.

New tune Monday

So I've decided that every Monday I'm going to post a new song that I'm liking for the week. Each week should start out with a new song right??

So for this week I chose Satellite by Guster. It's not that it's a particularly "advanced" song but it's catchy and I love the scene it's set to in the new John Cusak movie Martian child. When they are doing the martian talk scene. So cute! "You're my satellite, you're riding with me tonight, passenger side, high in the sky, always the first star that I find"
Any ways.. enjoy.
And it's too bad the video really sucks.. they could have come up with something better.

Credit cards

These are one of the hugest stressors in human life.... but they are completely avoidable? So why do people choose to do this? Do credit card companies really lure youth in as well as adults? Or do we just not ever really learn the consequences of poor money management... why don't they teach useful stuff like this in school? Something that kids that don't even really pay attention or understand what year the war of 1812 was in can benefit from? Why do so many other people that are my age that I talk to already battling with credit problems? How have we let this become a problem for old and young alike? Isn't it kind of sickening that kids as young as 18 are killing themselves because they feel like there's no other way to escape the debt? I'm not gonna lie, it's definitely crossed my mind. Being a full time employee and a full time student is so stressful enough that the though of adding one thing onto i pretty much want to cry. It got to the point of throwing up every time a bill or letter came from one of the companies I owe money too. And then to top it all off if you even try to call them and explain or ask for help they transfer you to someone in India who can hardly speak English and it just makes you more angry...... the other day I called to change my address from new jersey to Oregon and I found out they had made my address in Salem morgan, Oregon. I mean seriously... come on how retarded do you have to be???! Anyways. I know eventually I'll get out of it.. but for now it's causing me way tooo much stress. There ought to be better things in place for this stuff. I wonder what percentage of kids actually owe money to credit companies... and now with school costs rising and kids taking out loans left and right.... I don't think that theres any way a kid who is at least age 25 hasn't taken out some kind of credit card or loan (oh yeah that's in a college) doesn't that just seem kind of odd? Like we can't even make it through out life without having someone loan us money and then adding an interest fee?

Wind

Wouldn't it be nice if a gust of wind just came up and blew me away to somewhere fantastic. Just float their on a gust of a wind ahhhh I can only imagine.


in other news
Go listen to page france
They are fantastic i don't know why it hasn't caught on yet.
www.myspace.com/pagefrance

Hairy spider for president- 08!

So last night I had a dream that this big huge black spider was running for president and I almost squished him, then when it came to elections I couldn't make up my mind between him and Ron Paul. Ha it was pretty amusing.

Oh my! You've got a huge..

Ego.
Yes you. You do. You know who you are! Do you think you are god? Posting pictures of yourself from every angle and pseudo "photo shoots" so you call them. To yourself you look pretty damn good but you've never looked more pathetically attention starved and ugly to me. You used to actually have a personality before you became an untouchable in your head. The whole world doesn't need to know that you will be 21 on the 22nd... like you tell us every day.. calm the fuck down... seriously. I hope for your birthday you get a hat that will cover your huge head asshole.

Lean Cuisine ..

Is seriously delicious.

Work

I am not looking forward to it today, although I assume that most people don't look forward to going to work. I have to have a discussion with my manager about my hours, I'm horrible at confrontation. Oh well, it needs to be done! There's this new girl at my work lets call her ... Brittney. I guess she used to work for Nordstrom before a long time ago but came back now after her divorce ( i think she's like 23) anyway how am I supposed to compete with her for sales? she is like a walking pile of enthusiasm and happiness, I swear like rainbows and little bunnies and birds follow her as she walks around. It's ridiculous. The other day she told me " I JUST LOVE PEOPLE I LOVE MAKING CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE!" Now read that with the same enthusiasm joan rivers has when she spots someone wears an awful dress to the Oscars. But somehow people buy into it. Ugh.

Things on my desk at this minute

This is what's on my desk at this moment
it's been awhile since I cleaned

3 water bottles
1 full can of slim fast
1 bottle of alieve
1 bottle of prescription cough syrup
1 lonely earring
1 measuring tape
1 stranded dvd of sex and the cd
1 can of febreeze
1 eye dropper a pair of scissors
1 cell phone
1 desk size calender ( still for the month of January)
1 roll of tape
a stack of text books
a pair of scissors
a pop a point pencil
and a pair of speakers
oh yeah
and a fake gray mustache

That's tacky

Today on the way home from visiting with someone I haven't seen in a long time I was just sitting in the car thinking about my past and my future just pondering random things and then i looked in my rear view mirror and i saw a giant rainbow at that moment .. i wanted to puke. god. Why did "god" have to tacky it up.

Child support

Is such bullshit.


Seriously.

Personal Ads

So I've got to admit that from time to time when I'm bored I like to read the craigslist personal ads. Tonight I stumbled across one where the headline was " I'll buy you dinner and gas!" Has that what romance has come down to? You gotta buy dinner AND gas? What a romeo.

Velour

Today browsing the clearence racks at target I found a pair of 8 dollar velour sweatpants. It was at this moment I decided to join the rest of the work and join the velour sweat suit trend which with my luck is probably already out of date except for the Juicy coutue and rihinestone studded BCBG ones. They have to be the ugliest pants ever but the comfort is fantastic. I can't but help of think of the mom from MEAN GIRLS in her pink velour sweatsuit every time I see them but oh well.

and in other news,
I just spent 300 dollars on text books WOOOOOOOO

For some reason this year it just didn't feel like Christmas yet. I wanted another week or two. I feel that I didn't really get into the whole super cold weather and "holiday cheer" stuff. But then on Christmas it started to snow during the afternoon for a few hours it was fantastic. It's the first time it's snowed here on Christmas in 17 years. Then my dads side of the family came over....
they are the biggest bunch of lunatics no joke.
My cousin is permanently ill but there's a point where babying him is just toooo much. I swear he's going to end up like the guy from psycho keeping his dead mothers body in his basement pretending to be her when he's like 40. She seriously asked him after he went to the bathroom "did you wash? Did you put the seat down? Did you use toilet paper?" seriously what the hell haha god that caught me so off guard. Later on she asked him if she could help him cut up his ham for him..... oh yeah... and he's 12!
I didn't really get anything I asked for for Christmas but oh well. I think i got like a lint roller and that was the most exciting gift I got because I can never find one for me jacket. It was fun making fun of my dads family with mom though after they left.
My dads brothers gift takes the cake though. He is going through his midlife crisis and decided to give the entire family a mixed CD of songs that "move" him. How pathetic and cheap can you get. He just moved to Ireland so hopefully at least I can weasel a trip over there for his upcoming "nuptuals" to some kraut.

Working Christmas eve was pretty nuts. I can't believe how many people save all their shopping till the last minute. I'm kind of happy it's over and hopefully I can get all my bills paid now and such before its too late.
debt is one of the most sickening feelings.

So life has been kind of blah lately but I feel like things are picking up. I'm making money again paying my bills possibility of moving again I've got my close friends back. Went out to sushi with Lee today and watched the movie AWAKE it was pretty okay don't know if you have to see it in theaters but deffinatley wasn't oh god i knew that was going to happen thriller.

Tyra has a god complex

So I've got tonsillitis again for about the 500th time in the past year and a half. On Monday I have an appointment to talk with a ear nose and throat specialist about finally getting my tonsils removed I guess I have some thing where I've had tonsillitis and strep so much that my tonsils are permanently enlarged. gross. So I was reading about tonsillectomies in adults and some say that the recovery hurts worse than child birth. Oh god. the recovery time is about 2 to 3 weeks and there can be abnormal bleeding in the the throat. I'm really nervous and I haven't even scheduled the surgery yet. Christmas is coming up soon. I usually ADORE this time of year but it seems to soon I feel like I'm being rushed towards Christmas. I'm not even going to be able to afford Christmas shopping until the 20th of December. I went to Chemeketa to turn in my Psychology book (what B.S. class) and they told me it wasn't worth anything because they changed the edition. Seriously Someone should come up with an idea for renting text books. pay like 5 bucks each month for every text you have out. It's smart then you're guaranteed not to be stuck with a book that's worthless. I think I failed both my classes this term trying to work too much. It's really frustrating. I'm a b student and I failed for the first time in college. Oh well finals are over and it's Christmas break now!

So I had a thought the other day.....If the idea of Christianity leads to heaven who does Christ worship? Himself? Another religious icon? Maybe he's just really really really narcissistic. Like "heaven" is just a big church devoted to himself with stain glass pictures of all the "amazing" things he's done so he can look at himself every day. Kind of like Tyra Banks on her talk show and "Americas' Next Top Model"

Anyways I have to go into work today at least I talked them down to only working for 4 hours instead of 9. I still feel like my head is going to explode. I'm supposed to work tomorrow but I Really don't want to. I'd rather go to Portland and powells with Jess. YAY biggest book store on the west coast. It really is amazing it's an entire city block and like 3 stories full of books. Is it wrong to fake your own death to get out of work?

Jessica SImpsons

For some reason I decided it would be festive to listen to the only Christmas cd i could find which happened to be a Jessica Simpson Christmas C.D. which is enough to induce suicide.

sickness

So I've got tonsillitis again for about the 500th time in the past year and a half. On Monday I have an appointment to talk with a ear nose and throat specialist about finally getting my tonsils removed I guess I have some thing where I've had tonsillitis and strep so much that my tonsils are permanently enlarged. gross. So I was reading about tonsillectomies in adults and some say that the recovery hurts worse than child birth. Oh god. the recovery time is about 2 to 3 weeks and there can be abnormal bleeding in the the throat. I'm really nervous and I haven't even scheduled the surgery yet. Christmas is coming up soon. I usually ADORE this time of year but it seems to soon I feel like I'm being rushed towards Christmas. I'm not even going to be able to afford Christmas shopping until the 20th of December. I went to Chemeketa to turn in my Psychology book (what B.S. class) and they told me it wasn't worth anything because they changed the edition. Seriously Someone should come up with an idea for renting text books. pay like 5 bucks each month for every text you have out. It's smart then you're guaranteed not to be stuck with a book that's worthless. I think I failed both my classes this term trying to work too much. It's really frustrating. I'm a b student and I failed for the first time in college. Oh well finals are over and it's Christmas break now!

So I had a thought the other day.....If the idea of Christianity leads to heaven who does Christ worship? Himself? Another religious icon? Maybe he's just really really really narcissistic. Like "heaven" is just a big church devoted to himself with stain glass pictures of all the "amazing" things he's done so he can look at himself every day. Kind of like Tyra Banks on her talk show and "Americas' Next Top Model"

Anyways I have to go into work today at least I talked them down to only working for 4 hours instead of 9. I still feel like my head is going to explode. I'm supposed to work tomorrow but I Really don't want to. I'd rather go to Portland and powells with Jess. YAY biggest book store on the west coast. It really is amazing it's an entire city block and like 3 stories full of books. Is it wrong to fake your own death to get out of work?

Losing

You know when you're on the beach as a kid and you stand right next to the water so that when a wave finally comes up it will run over your feet and you wait for that minute when you stand still and the wave goes back out again and it feels like your moving and all the sand slips out from under your toes. That's kind how life feels right now except without the giggling and excitement that it will happen again the next time a wave comes. It feels like I'm standing still and then all of a sudden everything comes at once and then gets pulled out from under me. I should be moving... moving forward that's what everyone else does but then once that feeling is gone I still realize that I'm in the exact same spot I was before.

I feel so guilty

The one thing I do hate about Nordstrom is.... I feel so guilty like forcing people to buy WAY over priced socks and accessories. The other day I sold this elderly lady 90 dollars worth of hosier that I'm sure she DIDN'T need. Just because I kept showing her things and was like oh my goodness you have to get this! And she bought it all :( Sorry. I feel like such a fraud doing stuff like that. Like pressuring people to buy stuff. It's cheap. I would rather work in cosmetics because I can see the value of paying like 24 dollars for foundation because you put it on your skin and it has chemicals in it so you don't want something cheap but dear god no one NEEDS one pair of 24 dollar juicy couture socks.

Busy busy bee

I've had one of the craziest Busiest weeks ever. I've been working just about every day like 10 hour days. And now that Nordstrom is having their Half yearly sale it's even busier at work. I am liking the job a lot except for the standing for 9 hours thing is really getting to me god I hate it. I'm starting to fall behind in school which sucks and it's really frustrating and stressful but today I went in to the college and talked to an academic adviser finally about how to get everything organized and finish my transfer degree. The other day on my way to work I tripped and fell really bad on the concrete and cut up my hand my ankle and my knee and sprained my other ankle it's still swollen and sore, but, some lady saw me fall and was really nice and stopped and was really concerned if I was okay. I remembered her business on the side of her car from Picture people and she gave me a ride the rest of the way to the bus stop then bought me java crew coffee lol It's good to know that there are still some nice people in this world that are genuine and aren't too busy for anyone but themselves. I really appreciated that a lot. Today when I went in to chemeketa on my way back home in Keizer this elderly lady was trying to make a left hand turn and didn't see me and went across my lane and I had to slam on my brakes and i was just like praying in the car that it would stop in time like a second before it would have hit.. but unfortunately it did hit. There is very very minimal damage. which is really lucky.And she was very shaken up but okay and i was fine. I feel so bad for her though if it was my car and not my mothers I probably would just be like it's okay you don't have to fix it but after the cars collided and she was at a stop she just sunk down in her seat and stuck her hands to her face and I thought she was just going to bawl. Ugh I know I probably shouldn't feel bad for her just because she's elderly but blah. I have too big of a heart. Jamie might be coming up to salem today hoorah. I wish she still lived here but oh well. Anyway I should probably get caught up on all of my missing assignments. I feel so bad for that lady still, god.

Job

It looks like my financial problems have a resolution!
I finally got a call back from Nordstrom this afternoon while
reading books on the floor of borders with my friend Jess.
I got a full time position there working in the hosiery/accessories
department. I'm pretty excited I start tomorrow. But also kind
of nervous.
I had fun with Jessica today. She's one of my only friends in my life right now
that is like steady and not just making a complete nark of themselves.
Oh well.
I'm addicted to Coconut body butter from the body shop
and I just ran out. I HAVE to get more. It's the only thing
that makes my skin stop itching and and It smells so delicious!

now I have to pick out an outfit to wear tomorrow!
I want to wear these muted silver leaf earrings but I can only find one of the
pair.... like all the rest of my earrings.

The Times they are a changin'

I spent most of the day cleaning my room finally which meant unpacking all of
the things from new jersey. I felt so angry doing it. I know I subconsciously put it off
for so long because.. well I'll admit it now. I am so god damn angry with myself for giving up
for leaving so soon and right now at this exact moment I feel like im still not ready to be back from jersey. I still want to be over there. Why did I have to come home? Why did I have to give up so quickly like I do on EVERYTHING. When un packing I found notes from my mom about how proud of me she was and a postcard of new York and other encouragement from friends. When I moved away my friendships here were never stronger. I felt that people genuinely cared. Does it really take 5000 miles these days to make a good relationship. I actually talked to my sister and people seemed genuinely excited for me as I was for myself. Doing something so grandeur in my life that I always dreamed of but never thought would actually happen. I don't think that I could ever go back though. I don't have the means to go back. I didn't even give it a chance. What kind of chance is 2 months. And right when I came home It wasn't exciting no one ran up and hugged me said "I'm so glad that you're back." Ugh I guess I just am really disappointed in myself A LOT these days. Not just about Jersey but about everything. I'm slipping on my school work and I'm in debt right along with my parents my relationships with that of my family and friends are on very tangled strings. I'm not productive, I haven't even painted in like half a year. I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I'm idiling and the clutch is stuck. Something needs to change. In just about every aspect of my life. I have to change myself. Stop blaming it on stupid things and "man up" okay woman up.

Have you ever ended a friendship and actually felt good about it?
It can feel amazing like something you've been putting off forever
and then you do it and you just feel like you've finally accomplished something
and you have the feel of relief.
It's amazing
it's like drugs that sheer stress relief.

Had a job interview with the real estate agency office for the
state gov. buildings. I think it went pretty good. I should know pretty soon
I would love that job! Definitely a good foot in the door job.
Fingers are being crossed!

So I got most everything situation with federal student aid today.
Glad I finally got that taken care of now that i'm into my second year of
college and have never used FASFA. Now I'm just thinking I need to take out
a stafford loan then I can continue on with college.
I am pretty sure I narrowed it down to two schools I would love to go to
next year. It's between PNCA and linfield College. Both have amazing things about them
that I love and both have things that I could live without.
So who knows.

Taken from a news report at seen on comcast.net

Almost a third of all apes, monkeys and other primates are in danger of extinction because of rampant habitat destruction, the commercial sale of their meat and the trade in illegal wildlife, a report released Friday said.

Of the world's 394 primate species, 114 are classified as threatened with extinction by the World Conservation Union.

The report by Conservation International and the International Primatological Society in Hainan, China, focuses on the plight of the 25 most endangered primates, including China's Hainan gibbon, of which only 17 remain.

"You could fit all the surviving members of the 25 species in a single football stadium; that's how few of them remain on Earth today," said Russell A. Mittermeier, president of Conservation International


That's insane! Especially that last part.

Being the amazing procrastinator that I am, I gave myself 10 minutes to write and submit a 300 word descriptive paper on the topic of my choice.....
It ended up being a 300 word paper about my purse.
and received an A. Who knew it was possible to write 300 words
about your purse.


Other than that this whole family rough patch is really kind of sucking.
It's so frustrating to have my parents fighting and then for some reason
because my mom fucked up and put us in debt
everything is my fault because I'm the oldest child?
Today I got blamed for not being able to go grocery shopping.
Maybe you should have taken away moms credit cards!
I guess like mother like daughter eh?
Hers are all on her desk cut up like confetti now.
God I hope this ends soon.

I got a call from one of the departments from the state buildings for an interview
which would be an amazing job. Complete with a huge potential in for any other job for the rest of my life working for the state (can you say... great benefits!) I just wish someone would call me soon. My parents need me out. I'm surprised they haven't asked me to sell a kidney or plasma yet. There's always tomorrow.

Lately.

Wow, It’s been quite awhile since I’ve written anything and yet there’s been a whirl wind of stuff that’s happened. I haven’t had time or the emotional capacity to form an entire entry lately. First off a week ago on Thursday the 11 a childhood friend and adulthood acquaintance of mine was struck by a cement truck while riding her bike downtown Portland. My parents have never been very emotional people. My mom hates hugs and saying I love you and all that stuff. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to bury a friend and yet they don’t even bother to ask me if I’m okay. They don’t ask me if I want to talk about it they pretend it hasn’t happened or just say “oh wow, when’s the funeral” When Jared died they didn’t even care and my mom wouldn’t even take me to the funeral. She made me get a ride with someone and he was my first love. Tracey’s funeral was very sad I was hoping I wouldn’t cry but I did. Of course. I’ve been slacking in school a lot lately too I have so much work to make up and my internet is down all I have is the computer upstairs which my sister refuses to let me use because she’s filling out college applications. Also this past week my father decided in addition to letting my sister take my moms care to drive to school he was going to go out and buy her a car. Are they fucking serious? I for one never got a car whenever I asked and was never allowed to drive myself to school occasionally or to work. I had to ride the bus. I feel like there were a lot of things in high school that I wanted to do and had to miss out on because I never had transportation. My parents treat her like the prodigal son. Of course she gets good grades but that’s about it. She sits on her ass and eats food and looks like a blubbery hunch back. She doesn’t know how to use the dishwasher and she just learned how to use the laundry machine. She watches more TV than anyone in the entire world combined should be allowed to watch. Then today I’m trying to fix the internet so I can finish my school work for the week when I’m upstairs and my dad is treating me like I know NOTHING about the computer telling me what he did to it to fix the wireless network. ( uhh I’m the one that installed the entire wireless network in the first place because he didn’t know how to do it. Anyways, my princess sister had an obnoxious friend over named Ryan and I was having a private discussion with my dad about how it wasn’t working and this guy has the nerve in OUR household to say to me “maybe it’s karma” YOU FUCKING BITCH. Seriously I wanted to rip his head off. You have no right to fucking talk crap to me when you’re in my house and I wasn’t even speaking to you. Butt out asshole. So I told him what he could do with his karma and then I got punished. How the fuck do you punish a 19 year old? God. Then my parents pull my aside and go into this whole thing about how I’m a huge disappointment and I’ll never be a success in life and pretty much hinting that if I just killed myself now that their problems would be over. Apparently my mom fucking racked up 30,000 dollars in debt and then my dad is paying for it now. After he just shelled out all the money for my sisters’ car. Haha “maybe it’s karma” So pretty much they said I’m not their responsibility anymore and that I should just leave and pay my own way in life pay for food, school, housing, a car, med. Bills and everything on my own. I’m sorry but the moment that they decided to not wear a condom I became their responsibility for the rest of their lives. I think sometimes I was their practice child and then they realized oh fuck we’re not ready so they waited to years and had my sister.. who is their real child. Anyways I have to go stay with a friend tonight ( not that I feel like I have very good friends right now) because my parents want me out for good. Because I’m too much of a strain on the economics?? Wtf look around my room and through my things I dare them to name 10 things that they’ve bought for me in the last 10 years that wasn’t a gift for Christmas or a birthday! Anyways other than that in life I’ve been feeling really confused. I don’t know what I believe in anymore. It was really hard to lose Tracey even though we weren’t that close anymore it’s just kind of a wake up call like.. Take a look around everything can be gone in an instant. You never know what happening next. I doubt that she would have any regrets about her life because she was such a warm person and achieved so much in her short life. I just don’t know anymore. If I died right now I would have so many regrets and so many things that I wish I would have done and yet I don’t see myself striving to achieve those things. I feel like I do the same thing every day. I don’t even try. Anyways there really is a lot more too all of this and the way that I feel lately but this entry is already long enough. It’s the very brief version.
I need some help, or some support and I feel like I’m
Searching for it in a pitch black room full of knives.
Out.

STOP BLOODY ASKING ME IF I AM OKAY.
I AM NOT OKAY.

I've got no more fight left in me.

Feet planted firmly on the ground

I'm stuck.
I'm just stuck with nothing.
I am SO much BIGGER than the life that I am leading at this time.
I had so many dreams
so many goals
I was striving towards perfect towards everything I wanted
now I'm stuck
I'm "happy" being content.
Just thinking about everything that I wanted to do and where I really am.
Of course I've done a lot. I've moved out twice one of those times
even all the way to New Jersey. How come I couldn't commit to stay?
How come I can't even bring myself to go talk to an academic adviser to
getting on the right track yet.
I make excuses but if it's something that I really wanted I would do it.
I had a job interview this morning for a reception position at
Salem clinic... do I really see myself doing exactly what my mother is doing?
Do I want to settle for that?
I wanted to travel the world... more than just New Jersey.
I guess all of this is sparked from a friend I used to have my sophomore year of high school,I guess she found me on myspace and I guess she went on to art school
in Italy and all this other stuff. Which were pretty much my dream too minus not necessarily Italy and not to mention that she is a year younger than me.
I know I'm 19 and I can pretty much do anything that I want still at the point
but I guess I don't feel that I have any motivation.
I'm motivated when I first get a notion and get really excited but I think that it's always just excitement. I can never follow through. Ever. I never follow through on anything now that I think about it. I find a flaw about ever single thing. Every friendship every job every school every situation. Just always. I don't even know anymore. I guess somehow I have to get my life going because it's not going anywhere. I've been really stressed out lately.
I need to finally apply for PNCA and get my portfolio done but then I'm afraid I'll just change my mind and it will be a huge waste of my money and my time. But can a life experience really be a waste of money and time? I am in my second year of college and I have only 9 credits. That's pathetic. Ugh I don't even know. I need to do some serious thinking.

Toxic relationships

My body is shaky but my brain is asleep. That's what caffeine will do to you right before bed. I can't sleep and I can't focus on my homework so I've just been watching nip/tuck. It's kind of an addicting show. I can't say that I'd ever have plastic surgery. Except for being a bit overweight which is fixable there's nothing that I would want to change about my features. The only thing I can see myself ever considering surgically altering would to be to have a breast lift.
It's too bad you can't surgically alter your memory
such as toxic friendships.
Today was the end of a friendship. I probably could have been more tactful is doing so, in ending it, but, it had to be done now. ( Wow that was a lot of commas) We managed to be close friends for a very long while. Even while I moved to New Jersey she Continued to write me snail mail a couple times a week. But since I've been back she has ditched me twice and has ceased to make any effort to hang out with me and now I'm stuck with all these gifts I bought her in NJ. I guess while I was gone she lost a lot of weight and is kind of obsessed with herself, I mean go her she has every right to be happy with herself now but it shouldn't be in the way of your friendships and on top of that she got a new job wiping old peoples asses which
i guess she thinks is like "oh my god I got an 'adult job' now!" WRONG. You're an elderly persons bitch... seriously come on now. I don't have time for other peoples inflated egos. Plus there are a lot of mutual friends of ours that have been cut off as well which, it feels good. I feel like it needed to happen. It's my emancipation from childhood. I texted her a simple "see ya" and a small reply from her saying "what are you leaving somewhere" and a reply from me "yes, I am leaving this friendship" And that's that.
In other happenings I saw the new Chuck Close exhibit yesterday at the Portland Art Museum. It was fantastic. I was kind of disappointed that it wasn't such a huge variety of his works but I still really liked it plus it was A LOT less crowded than the Egyptian exhibit a while back. And now crazy moms wheeling their toddlers in over priced strollers through ancient artifacts that they children could really care less about. I woke up today to my sister banging on my door saying something about how she is sick and she was supposed to go do childcare for some people so I had to go in her place so I was stuck with a two year old and a 4 year old for a few hours. At least for most of the time I was there the two year old was in nap time. I made a few bucks too so that's okay but seriously, I think their child might turn out to be a serial killer. The four year old was making me play mr. potato head with her as well as with her dolls and she kept making them die. Like the baby kept falling on it's head out of the stroller and people kept jumping from the roof of the doll house then during mister potato head she kept ripping off all of it's body parts and saying that it was falling apart and dying. Maybe I'm just not around children very often but uhhhh is this normal? It was kind of frightening.
Tomorrow is the day I meet with the phone guy. I am selling him my cell phone for 110 dollars. hmm. I'll get over it. Plus he's pretty cute. Although I think he might be seeing some one. I guess he goes to Chemeketa too.
I have got to go do something productive including sleeping or homework.

These people make me want to jump off a cliff

just like you randomly added 1000 other people?
Not cool mister.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Money, Success, Fame, Glamour
Date: Oct 4, 2007 10:11 PM


naw, i just randomly added you :D
Im Evan.
:]

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Arika
Date: Oct 4, 2007 10:06 PM


Do I know you?

Ding Dong Ditch

So my question is, when did it become O.K. for people to be flaky?
I had a friend, a very good friend that I am very close to the other day
that I was supposed to go out to lunch with, He picked me up we drove around then
he needed to go his house to fix his sub or something so that was already out of the plan and me sitting in his car for about 20 minutes then all of a sudden he tells me that someone from his work has been wanting to hang out with him and now they have free time so he takes me back home?? You can get much more rude then that. Then I have this other friend who when I was living in New Jersey would write me about 2 snail mail letters every week but has yet to see me since I've gotten home and has ditched me twice Who doesn't even try to keep in contact with me. She made all these plans with me about moving to Portland then ditched me at the last minute then treated me like I was stupid and didn't know how costly it is to move when she's 18 sheltered and has never moved out I'm older have moved out twice I think I have a little more experience in the matter. People just don't value their friendships like they used to anymore It's really hurtful. Especially when they call you the next day and want to tell you all about their love life and their problems and stuff and you kind of just want to say "hey, Fuck you."

Money

I have a problem.
A money spending problem
I don't know where ANY of my money goes.
And I have nothing to show for it.
I spend it too fast
Much too fast.
My parents help pay for school
I don't have a car
I don't have designer clothes
So, where did it go?
Debt.
Debt is not fun.
I better get a job interview soon.

Backwards

That's how my thong has been all day.
How did I not notice?

The comforts of home

So the New Jersey thing turned out to be a huge mistake. I mean I guess nothing is ever really a mistake because you always learn something so I guess it was just a less than favorable learning experience. I've been back home now for about a week. I'm really glad to be back i started thinking how much I was looking forward to fall and then I really started to miss Oregon. it's so beautiful in the fall here the color of the leaves, the gray skies and big rain drops (I'm a huge fan of rainy days, my moms home cooking, the smell of wood smoke from the fireplace. I'm getting ready to paint my room which is exciting and really sad at the same time it's like having to admit that I'm going to be living with my parents a little while longer but at least it won't be like rip out your eyes acid colored green. I've gotten to hang out with most of my friends since I came back except for Jamie who moved over the summer to Eugene. I think next weekend I will go down there and visit her and see the house her and Jared got. Everything just feels comforatble right now. School just started I'm only taking 9 credits this term
Intro to psychology
Understanding art
and some writing class. It's a pretty good variety though. I really wanted to take the class death and dying but it was all full it seems like it would be a really fascinating course though.

"Nanny diaries"

It's sunday morning, well actually sunday afternoon now. About 1. I still haven't seen michele since last night again so I don't know when anyone will be home. I'm trying to make 3 meals a day out of pasta because that's the only thing they have in the entire house. I counted 16 different kinds of cheese raviolis in their freezer... between that and the ice bucket.. it pretty much takes up all the space. Not to mention they have two entire cupboards full of brailla pasta in every different shape size you can imagine. The other day she sent me to the store to buy linguine and when michele got home I asked if i got the right kind of noodles and they all laughed at me. apparently there is a BIG difference between noodles and pasta. They are all noodles though. I don't care. Michele is kind of crazy they have so many like weird things sometimes I feel like i'm doing things that I was not told I was going to be doing. I feel more like a maid than an au pair. Usually nannies are responsible for picking up after the kids maybe keeping the kids rooms organized and doing the kids laundry MAYBE but I have to clean micheles room and closets and stuff too. I take her dry cleaning make appointments for her and so on. I take oliver to the dog groomers and I have to feed him and give him medecine etc... NOT TO MENTION that they all pretend to love oliver but no one feeds him on the weekends because they all just leave and do their own thing. I've gotten up and fed him twice this weekend because no one does it! And they only feed him once a day because they think he's fat which he isn't. Plus he's been on the same diet with the same food for about a year now and there's been no difference. Michele reminds me of the woman on that show King of Queens... you know Carrie the girl that's married to the big guy Doug. She looks alot like her and they have the same accent and the same personalities. She is kind of werid she freaks out about everything. Every ru g in the house has to be washed weekly. WEEKLY. Not every other week but WEEKLY. I swear she has about 700 glade plug ins in every square inch of the house. Which make my throat want to close up. Everytime after you cook anything she demands that you spray febreeze air effect EVERYWHERE so her house doesn't smell like food. I think that I have inhaled so much febreeze when I breathe out I'm just recyling it. I know i'm allergic to something in the house cause there's always gunk in my through my nose is dry and stuffed upand my eyes are puffy and watery. I keep getting a rash on my stomach and my legs are REALLY itchy. I think it's the matteress.. Honestly I think it has bed bugs. Its disgusting. It's like really old and the frame is a piece of crap. I wake up every morning and have to take 3 advil because it hurts my back. There have been 15 different people that have slept on that mattress. It smells bad and there is no box spring or any support for it it's like a really ol d falling apart day bed thing with just wires on the bottom and an old matteress. I'm starting to think it has bed bugs from my rash or bug bites or whatever they are. I have washed the sheets every other day because i just feel gross but it doesn't really help. I don't know it's just kind of... a little hole in the back of the laundry room behind the waterheater where they store all their stuff they don't need anymore. Ugh I don't know. The college here is crazy and is a pain in the A** to register with they make everything like 700 times more difficult than it really is. And now that I got that lost i pretty much had a panic attack and almost threw up in the car the other day and now I don't really want to leave the house. The other day michele was talking about her boyfriend (john)'s Ex wife and how she was so horrible to her kids that like if they wanted to go to a movie or a concert or buy some new clothes or needed a new cell phone she made them pay for it themselve s and just how she was a bi*ch for that and how awful of a parent that was. And was thinking well thanks you pretty much just called my mom that too.....so yeah. Anyways not much new going on. Cooking some pasta right now and washing my sheets. Go figure.I hope the family doesn't come over tonight they were just here on thursday and I always feel really awkward like I'm supposed to be out there but at the same time i don't want to be but then do they think i'm rude and i pretty much just want them to go home because they are SO loud and noisy and just they make a huge mess and expect me to clean it up the next day. and there are like 20 of them! and they are here all the time! I mean New Jersey is pretty nice, kind of expensive here I guess it tops the list almost as one of the most expensive states to live in. I didn't know that. Even with no sales tax! Oh and I don't have to pump my own gas either they do that for you too. I found out that it is the Diner captiol of the world. There are more diners in New jersey than in any other state! Which is true!Aberdeen is about the size from our house to West salem highschool it's small and they have two diners. lol and there is ATLEAST 1 in every small town like that. It's crazy. Anyways My sheets are ready to put in the dryer

What's the point

of being a woman if you're 19 and infertile and sickyly.

Shedding

So it's been a crazy couple of weeks! I don't remember when the last time I wrote was but I guess a lot has happened without me even realizing until all of it compiled into one! Lost some friends but at the same time it feels good it's like sloughing off the dead weight that only weighs you down in life. I feel like at this point i know who the amazing people in my life are. Sam I know you'll always be there and that you genuinely care and will never judge me and only look out for my best interest, Jamie.... sometimes i just want to shake my head at you but you are so easy to get along with. You don't give a fuck and that's what makes you awesome.You're not a very "emotional" friend kind of person so... I'll leave it at that. I purchased my airplane ticket the other day. set me back 401 dollars! Yikes! I have never felt more poor in my life but at the same time i think it's money well spent. I can't wait to get to new jersey but sometimes i still have panic attacks about going..I freak out about everything like what if they don't like me mostly. But then I just have to remind myself that they are probably just as nervous thinking I won't like them. Right now I'm kind of packing and cleaning my room and also my life discarding things or people that only will weigh my luggage down and making sure to make room for the things and people I care about.

4th of july

I really hate the fourth of July it's probably my least favorite holiday which puts things like presidents day and martin luther king jr. day ahead of it. People gather together to eat animal products on a bbq and watch things explode. Fireworks are so boring, they all look the same (maybe that's because I live in oregon and all the fun ones are illegal)

Toilet paper

Do men not understand that no matter what a woman does in the restroom we're going to need toilet paper? I was drinking with "jake" the other day at his house and I go to use the restroom and realise there's no toilet paper (of course) and i'm like hey "Jake" got any toilet paper? So he runs around the garage and house rummaging for toilet paper and he pulls out a thing of paper towels.... Ugh. So I go to tear off half a paper towel and realise that I'm wiping with Susan G. Komen Breast cancer paper towels....

Ghost safari

Yeah went on a ghost safari. Lots of great orb pictures still waiting for Jeff to go over the tape for EVPs.

statistically

"When we get to the bridge we'll lose two people, it's statistics."
Or maybe this was only hilarious because I'm drunk
It's whiskey Wednesday!
Tried to sleep on the trampoline with Jeff last night until the sprinklers turned on
ha ha what a smart idea.
Job interview tomorrow
hope all goes well.

I see: A rafting trip in the near future.

1 out of 2

1 out of 2 friendships reconciled. Thank you for the apology it was greatly appreciated. Nothing like getting lost in the country in the night and almost dying to patch up a broken friendship!That's one of the things I wish I did more often but gas is so god damn expensive. One of my absolute favorite things to do is to drive around the country at night and listen to music. It feels so homely. I love the smell of the country in summer the smell of the sweet hay.

When I'm old

When I'm old I hope to still be in as much love as my grandparents are. They still take turns cooking for each other and setting the table even if it's only the two of them. They still give each other kisses and pat each other on the bottom (that may sound weird to some of you) but in some ways it's cute that they can still be like that after 70 years of marriage.

Money Changes everything

There must be some law of phsysics I missed one of the countless days I stayed home "ill". It should be common sense but people do it all the time. Friend + money never mix. It's always a recipe for another atom bomb. In the wise words of 80's icon Cyndi lauper "money changes everything." I have two close friends feuding with me over two seperate reasons. I pretty much just wanted to get drunk and black out for the rest of the night but when I noted that wasn't an option due to the lack of liquor in my cabinet I realized that I shouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself if two people whom I really care about are going to start picking fights with me and be angry with me for no reason, or if they do have a reason they don't care to explain it which I belive kind of defeats the purpose of being angry at that person in the first place? Are people turning back into time back to when we were four and five? "Jeff why are you mad at me" "WELL YOU SHOULD KNOW!" "no,I really don't!" It kind of ended at that so I'm still really lost. The other day I went over to his house beliveing it would just be jamie him and i watching some rediculous 90's movie like rumble in the Bronx again but instead I realised that he had invited about 5 other people and before I knew it Jamie and I were being shoved out the door to go buy soda for him and his friends. I went to the store, paid for his drinks and came back only to be shooed out of his house by his mother for thinking that we were all drinking. I asked jeff to pay me back but he lashed out on me saying he didn't have money and I was thinking "wow you just invited me over here to buy you something then I leave" So he says he'll pay me back the next day. (Him knowing full well i'm in a financial bind with moving to New Jersey.)Next day passes and I'm still not re-imbursed. It all was off of that and somehow I am a horrible friend for asking him to pay me back? So i'm in trouble for doing him a favor?? What kind of bull shit is that?
The next friend is a troll named Sam. She lashes out on me about moving to New Jersey?!? She thinks I'm making everything up some wild idea about how I'm moving to New Jersey and that it sounds stupid and dangerous and no one would hire and au pair from oregon when they could get one from new jersey and apperantly i'm not qualified were her words. I wanted to tell her she's not qualified to work in the tools section at SEARS. Mostly because she has a vagina. "It insults me that you think i would belive that you're actually going to live with some stranger in new jersey, who would hire a stranger from another state pay for them to fly across country to watch their kids?!" "Yeah sam, I'm making it up...I was just planning on telling everyone i'm leaving then sit in my house for the next year while buying new jersey postcards of ebay to pretend post mark from there!" I think this argument was the most puzzling, I am quite postive that I have no idea how this constitutes and argument? What's the point? Why is she mad at me that she thinks that i'm crazy about this new jersey thing??!" I guess I can't let it get me down because it's their fault for being dumb. But I didn't expect all my friends to abandon me right before I left. I still have two months here.

Dimethyltrptamine

This is really really interesting.

New Jersey

I just found out that I am most likely moving to New Jersey in just a little over a month. It's kind of scary and exciting at the same time. Except I don't know anyone in New Jersey and I've never been there before. I'm moving to become a live in nanny but the kids are like 16 and 12 so all i have to do is cart them around to school and their friends houses.

New Jersey

I just found out that I am most likely moving to New Jersey in just a little over a month. It's kind of scary and exciting at the same time. Except I don't know anyone in New Jersey and I've never been there before. I'm moving to become a live in nanny but the kids are like 16 and 12 so all i have to do is cart them around to school and their friends houses.

Summertime Reading

I am excited for this summer. With the slight possibility of going away to work in some foreign country about to become reality my favorite thing to do in summertime is to lay out in the sun and read. I collect books all year long through the school year when I am too distracted to enjoy it and I make a list and read all summer long. The guilty pleasure part is that they are mostly mindless easy reads.

Bees.

Bees are really fascinating to me. In my free time I like to read about them. I've always wanted to learn how to bee keep, but unfortunately I live in the suburbs. Today when I was watering my garden, I went to check on the radishes because they are almost ready to harvest. There was a bee soaking wet from when I had just spent 10 minutes watering and couldn't fly; So, I picked it up and let it sit on my hand as I walked over to a sunny area for it to dry itself. It was so fascinating just to watch it dry it's wings clean it's legs and fur as well as its face with it's little legs, at times taking it's hind legs all the way upward onto it's back. I watched it clean it's little mouth and retract it's stinger to clean it as well all with such coordination like a ballet. Around 15 minutes later after its last little flutter for drying it's wings it finally flew off.

"Honeybees depend not only on physical contact with the colony, but also require it's social companionship and support. Isolate a honeybee from her sisters and she will soon die."
- The Queen Must Die: And Other Affairs of Bees and Men

Post-it notes

Whenever I need a Post-it I can never ever find one or anything that will work instead such as paper and tape. However, when I'm cleaning around my desk I always find 5 little stacks of them and think why the hell do I have so many post-its and when will I ever need these.

good friends are good.

I think I collect jobs. I get bored at meaningless jobs way too easy. But I have had numerous jobs all in extremely different fields and from every job I've kept like a little souvenir. I have no idea why. I just realized this today when i was cleaning my room. Which hasn't been cleaned in like 8 months. Ew.

If you died

When was the last time you actually stopped to think for two seconds about how fucking incredible it is that you are alive and all things things you might have missed. Remember those kids that died in your high school so young? And all the things you've taken for granted since then. All the strange little accidents or random sicknesses where people die so unexpectedly....would you be satisfied with your life so far? Remember the last time you drank 7up out of a cup and the fizz tickled your nose or the last time you just spent an entire day outside in the sunshine just enjoying it? Remember the last time you cried and how much better you felt after words. What kind of secrets would you leave behind?

The beatles

You can only listen to the beatles for so long until your head wants to explode.

Internet broken

Internets broken, really frustrating. It won't connect to any wireless network even though it shows all the ones available around my area.
Anyone got any ideas?

Crazy Dream

Last night I dreamt that Modest Mouse came over for Thanksgiving dinner. It was the most random thing ever. To everyone else it was normal that they were there haha. And then we all drank lots of Jack Daniels.

Today was pretty much un-eventful which those days are always nice to have once in awhile. I spent the whole day sleeping which kind of was a shame since it was so beautiful out.
So if you have myspace you probably noticed a couple days ago they had that obnoxious "upload your picture to make yourself a pirate" thing.. I decided to upload a picture of jesus...
Jesus as a pirate

mm waffles

The weather outside today is absolutely gorgeous. I wish I had more time to spend outside.
I went to go water my miniature garden today and half my plants were missing. I guess the dog decided it would be fun to run through a big patch of mud the other day when it was rainy because there are about 2 feet deep paw prints running back and forth from one end to the other. Crazy dog.
On another note school is going terribly at the moment. This term I decided to only take one class online but the instructor doesn't use a calendar or due dates so I will be oblivious to whole weeks passing by, it doesn't help that it's a law enforcement class. I hate learning all this policing stuff it's so boring, I don't care about the history and evolution of policing in America. I can't wait till I'm done with all the criminal justice basic classes and can start doing more forensics.
Anyways this Video always makes my day, Knock yourself out.

Atleast you will never be a vegetable, because even artichokes have hearts.